Always
by BaronessBlixen
Summary: Alex can't sleep and goes out... Fillin for 6x16


TITLE: Always

AUTHOR: Anika They don't belong to me.

CATEGORY: Fill-In; Claire/Alex

SPOILERS: 06x16 "Secrets and Lies"

SUMMARY: Alex can't sleep and goes out...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first MD fic. I've been meaning to write one for a while but somehow couldn't find the time. This has been nagging me for a while now and so I put all duties aside (a lot of them) and wrote this. I'd welcome feedback! Have fun reading!

It was the middle of the night. Nothing could be heard except for the distant sound of snoring coming from Dave's room. But this was not the reason why Alex couldn't fall asleep. He was tired, yes, and he knew he should sleep because of what was awaiting him the next day. Alex Ryan was about to get married.

It still brought a smile to his face. He had never been the fear-of-commitment kind of guy, but getting married? After Claire he hadn't thought it possible.

And that was exactly it. Claire Louise McLeod, the love of his life. She was still in his mind, and in his heart. That was the reason why he couldn't fall asleep.

Tea didn't work, coffee wouldn't make him sleepy, and the beer felt wrong in his mouth. Alex was desperate. He tried to wake up Dave, to talk to him but there was no chance. His best man would be a hung over man in the morning, he was sure of that. Drowning his sorrows in alcohol- Alex only thought of this possibility for a split second. It was not an option. But he had to do something. This was one of the times when he wished Nick was still there. He missed his little brother dearly. Everybody was gone, weren't they? Alex thought about Harry and sighed. He had to get out.

The air was crisp as Alex stepped out. He took a deep breath, loving it. There was nothing like the darkness in the country, Alex couldn't see anything. But he had grown up here, he could see everything with his inner eye. Also, the sun was already close to making an appearance- the night was soon to be over. Alex settled his horse quietly and quickly. Automatically, he started for the short way. He knew the way by heart, and it seemed like the horse did, too.

When he arrived, the sun was peeking through the clouds. Soon it would have fully arisen. Alex did not care. He jumped off the horse and stared at the four simple stones before him. Two of these people he had never known, one of them he had liked and respected and the other one had been his soulmate. Alex eyed the four gravestones sadly.

"Claire..." he whispered, getting down a little.

"Claire, I have to tell you something." He started still whispering.

"Tomorrow-" he shook his head and smiled wearily, "Today I am getting married. Funny, huh? Sometimes I don't believe it myself..." he stopped again, staring into the sky for a moment.

"I love her. It's not- not what we had, but I love her, Claire. I care a great deal for her. She's pregnant, you know." Alex had to stop again. Even in his own ears it sounded like a justification for his love. He dismissed this thought immediately.

"Charlotte will have someone to play with. Oh Claire, if you could see her... she's so beautiful and she reminds me so much of you. Sometimes... sometimes it makes me miss you even more." Alex swallowed hard, he didn't want to cry.

"Fiona, that's- that's my fiancée you would- nah, you wouldn't like her, " Alex laughed, "she's not like you at all. Maybe that's why I like her, I don't know. I don't want to replace you. I love you." The tears had found a way out and were trickling down his face now.

"I love you, and miss you like hell. But I don't look back. Fiona and I- we'll start something new. A family. I'll be a daddy!" he exclaimed happily but with a sad undertone.

"I knew I had to tell you this before... before there is a new woman at my side. I wanted to tell you'll always be in my heart. I'll always love you but I'm in love with someone. But you- no one could ever take your place. Never." He got up. His knees hurt from the uncomfortable position they had been in.

Carefully he traced her name on the gravestone.

"I love you. Always." He whispered one last time before he sat back on his horse and trotted off.

END

Alright, I needed an explanation why Alex looked so down that morning. He obviously didn't have a hangover... also I am a die-hard Claire and Alex fan, and I don't like Fiona AT ALL. I am going for Alex and Stevie if I have to but never, ever Fiona. Hope you had fun reading and let me know what you thought!

Written by Anika


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